All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize