Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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