There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
