fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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