She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
