i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
