I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
