I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
