i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize