Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
