TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
