Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
