I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
my poor anus
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
