Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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