I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
