some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
