I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
