You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
