so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
