he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
