This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
