So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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