mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
