Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
