I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
