Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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