I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize