Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
