last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
