I wish my penis had an off switch
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
