I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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