I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I fill condoms, not promises.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
