found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just googled if crying burns calories
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
