What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dignity is for republicans.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
