bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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