I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
4 words: hood of his car
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
