I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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