Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
