Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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