I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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