1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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