So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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