how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
