After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
