Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
