I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
