Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
