dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
