I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
