I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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