we have pet lesbian snakes
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
