I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he puts the penis in happiness.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
