You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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