In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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