I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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