the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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