My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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