you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
