I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
