Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
