i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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