She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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