PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
