Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
