I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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