ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
