I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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