Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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