What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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