just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
