I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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