i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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