He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize