He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize